Don't Wait for the Light at the End of the Tunnel
When I was asked to write a blog entry for Medical Partners from the perspective of a doctor’s spouse
post-residency, I could not decide where to start. My husband completed residency 14 years ago, and in
14 years, you learn so much, change so much, grow so much. I could overload the MP blog with
thoughts, reassurance, cheerleading, lessons learned, and all sorts of “mom” advice. I finally decided to
hone in on the idea of the “light at the end of the tunnel” because I know many of us feel like that is
what residency is like for both the resident and his or her family. Like we just have to get through this
tough tunnel, and once it is over, life will be easy and smooth. That in the end it will all be worth it. That
the tight finances, demanding schedule, immense stress and pressure will lighten once it is over. And
they do lighten. And you and your partner will feel like you got through the tunnel. But here is the thing I
learned; you can’t hang all your hopes there. You can’t wait for life to be better down the road and just
grit your teeth and bare it for now. Because as much as we all plan for the future, not one person on
earth knows what tomorrow has in store. During my husband’s residency, in my thoughts I lived a good
deal in the future. I thought if we got to the end of residency, then everything would be perfect. We all
do this to a certain extent, I suppose it is human nature and is what keeps us going when things are
challenging. But as hindsight is 20/20, I would have done better for myself and my spouse had I just
embraced where we were rather than focused on where I thought we were going. I would have been
more light-hearted, less interested in things we could not buy or do, less frustrated with the little time
we had together and more present in the moments we did have. Life is short and unpredictable. I am
not sure I realized that 14 years ago. So, as an “old-timer”, I would like to shine a light not on what you
have to look forward to, but on what you already have going on. So, give your partner some extra lovin’
even if he/she is tired and grumpy, read that one more story to your kiddo, call a friend even if you feel
tired and burnt out. Live each day like it is the best day you ever had. Because then, when you do get to
the end of the tunnel, it will be like icing on top of an already sweet life.
post-residency, I could not decide where to start. My husband completed residency 14 years ago, and in
14 years, you learn so much, change so much, grow so much. I could overload the MP blog with
thoughts, reassurance, cheerleading, lessons learned, and all sorts of “mom” advice. I finally decided to
hone in on the idea of the “light at the end of the tunnel” because I know many of us feel like that is
what residency is like for both the resident and his or her family. Like we just have to get through this
tough tunnel, and once it is over, life will be easy and smooth. That in the end it will all be worth it. That
the tight finances, demanding schedule, immense stress and pressure will lighten once it is over. And
they do lighten. And you and your partner will feel like you got through the tunnel. But here is the thing I
learned; you can’t hang all your hopes there. You can’t wait for life to be better down the road and just
grit your teeth and bare it for now. Because as much as we all plan for the future, not one person on
earth knows what tomorrow has in store. During my husband’s residency, in my thoughts I lived a good
deal in the future. I thought if we got to the end of residency, then everything would be perfect. We all
do this to a certain extent, I suppose it is human nature and is what keeps us going when things are
challenging. But as hindsight is 20/20, I would have done better for myself and my spouse had I just
embraced where we were rather than focused on where I thought we were going. I would have been
more light-hearted, less interested in things we could not buy or do, less frustrated with the little time
we had together and more present in the moments we did have. Life is short and unpredictable. I am
not sure I realized that 14 years ago. So, as an “old-timer”, I would like to shine a light not on what you
have to look forward to, but on what you already have going on. So, give your partner some extra lovin’
even if he/she is tired and grumpy, read that one more story to your kiddo, call a friend even if you feel
tired and burnt out. Live each day like it is the best day you ever had. Because then, when you do get to
the end of the tunnel, it will be like icing on top of an already sweet life.
Tundi Brady is a Medical Partner's Alumni and our exclusive Real Estate Sponsor.
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